Papaw

I was blessed with 3 amazing grandparents growing up (My other grandfather passed away before I was born).  They all had their special way in my life. I had a set of parents, then these 3 extensions that treated me as their own in every way. 

In July we learned that my 97 year old Papaw had stomach cancer.  Treatments were very risky and he opted out.  He may have been 97, but no one would have ever known it.  You may have driven by his old white house to see him mowing, on his 4 wheeler or running his dogs.  If he could be outside, that is where he was.  We would often go visit and he'd be sitting outside and that has been true for as long as I can remember.   He had some limitations due to his age.  He didn't quite get around as quickly or easily as he used to, but still was able to walk.  He couldn't see as well, so he no longer drove.  His short term memory may have failed him sometimes, but he was still living alone and even I forget things at my age:-)  He was remarkable and I told everybody that! 

When we were kids, we probably drove Mamaw and Papaw nuts!  Their house was just across the field about 1/4 of a mile, so an easy walk or bike ride away. I know there were summer days where we ran in and out of their house and if we got on their nerves, they never said it!  We were always greeted with smiles, jokes, games, and something to do outside.  I recall during one slumber party I had around the 4th grade, we were bored, so we went of Papaw's and he took us fishing with old cane poles in a pond on his farm.  He never said a word, but was happy to take us on our little adventure.  I used to sit up next to him in his recliner all squished up and he would tell us stories, play games, jokes, or we would watch TV together.

Actually the stories never stopped.  Just in the last few weeks, we learned more about his courtship with mamaw, their marriage, the drunk magistrate that married them, and little pearls of wisdom that can only come from 97 years of life.   I count the last 4 weeks of his life, standing around a hospital bed, a tremendous gift!  Just the Thursday before he passed as I was sitting with him, he would reach up and pat me on the top of the head, the cheek or grab and hold my hand.  I'm not sure he always knew who I was anymore. His mind had started to slip in the last couple of weeks, but on some level I think he realized the connection with all of us anyway or there were glimpses in and out of reality that he realized who we were. 

He loved my children and I'm grateful for memories my kids will have of their great Grandfather telling them stories.  He always complimented my parenting and how well behaved my children were and even my homeschooling.  He was my #1 fan!  He would tease them and snicker and was still doing that even last week. 

Things changed a few days before he died.  It was perhaps a stroke, but we will never know.  We knew that things had changed quickly and that he would soon be meeting his wife, children, sister, parents, and Jesus in heaven!  My sister and I just happened to be the ones with him when he met Jesus face to face.  I can't quite describe that moment with words adequately.  I have seen 4 precious souls take their first breaths, and I have now seen a precious soul take his last.  It was very special to me that I got to talk to him in those last moments, hold his hand, and reassure him that we were all OK.  My sister and I didn't get those moments with my Daddy and I have always been burdened by that fact.  But I did with my 2nd Daddy.  He went peacefully and quickly (too quick to even call anybody) on Nov. 26 about 9:40pm. 

My last grandparent has left this earth, but one day we will meet again!  To that, I have no doubt as God' promises are true.  We always laughed at his little misquotes of Bible scripture, but in the end, nothing matters except an acceptance for Christ to cover your sins. 

I loved Papaw very much!  I woke up Monday morning with the thought, "Wow!  He is really gone!  No more stories, jokes, or his cute little Papaw laugh"  It is all gone from this earth, but I know his Thanksgiving reunion in heaven was sweet!  He was the BEST!  I miss him already!

Now, it is December and I'm trying to get in the Christmas spirit:-)  It is harder sometimes when things are weighing on your mind.  However, I have 4 beautiful kids, a wonderful husband, a precious mother, sister, nieces, and extended family that will share the month with me. 

Spinning Plates

We are in the midst of October. I'm peering over onto 2 birthdays, Halloween, a Gender Reveal party, Thanksgiving, then Christmas!  How quickly time passes and how short our attention spans as humans.  We live in a very fast paced whirlwind at times.  We are tired, busier than ever, yet we are continually taking another plate to spin.  Do you remember the old circus trick of spinning plates?  The entertainer would begin with 1, then 2, then finally progress to 10 or more.  When he had just 1 or 2 or 3, he could keep them spinning easily, but the more that was added, he was frantically running back and forth trying to keep them spinning.  Eventually, they would start to slow down, wobble, and sometimes even fall to the ground in a crash. 

Sometimes I feel like I have some spinning plates, priorities have to be set, then you start the running back and forth between the plates.  Usually the one of least importance or the one that you are able to "let go" for a bit will wobble or crash (even temporarily) while we run back and forth. 

I think we all know that we often get too much on our plates.  Those things aren't always bad, but having too much can be bad, because what are you letting "go" in order to spin that plate?  There is only so much time, energy, and efforts in a given day.   I decided a long time ago, that I refused to be a plate spinner on a regular basis.  Sometimes I feel that way, but sometimes we've had to say "no" to good things in order for us to keep the plates spinning that are most important, the plates that would be devastating to let fall to the ground. 

May I always be the wife or Mom that will let a plate fall of less importance if need be!  May I always be the type of wife or mother to capture memories, have traditions, listen intently, that will laugh, that will cry, and that will be there in all times and in all situations.  I have that type of mother!  I appreciate her more than words can write.  I have that type of husband!  I appreciate and love him more every day!  He works hard for our family and sometimes has way too many plates spinning, so that I can have a few less and I love him for that.  He is a good man!  He is the man that God intended him to be.  My kids are precious and a gift!  They warm my heart and are things that I never dreamed of being.

2 Years Later...

On Friday September 9th, 2011, I went to bed with my alarm set on my phone for soccer the next morning (the first of the season).  I was the "snack mom" for Chloe's early game and had everything laid out to make everything run smoother that morning.  At 3:20 am my phone was ringing, but I had no comprehension of the time (I later looked).  I just knew it was dark and that something must be terribly wrong when I looked at my phone and clearly on the little screen was printed, "My Parents" with their home number.  I answered the phone with an abrupt, "Hello!  What's wrong?" and didn't know who's voice would meet me on the other side.  It was my mother and she was telling me something, but her words sounded jumbled, but maybe it was my brain that was jumbled at the time.  I quickly said, "I can't understand you, is Daddy sick?" thinking I might need to make a trip to the Murray ER or to their home.  She said, "No, Daddy's dead".  I heard those words clear and distinct and I responded with a shocked, "WHAT!?!?" and told her I was on my way.  Suddenly the 25 miles between us seemed like a million as I sprung out of bed and turned the lights on.  Jamie was already up and asked, "He's dead isn't he?" and how he knew this I had no idea, because at the time I had no words and couldn't hardly bare to utter the phrase, "Daddy's dead" and still really can't that well.  

The moments that followed are burned in my brain forevermore.  The sights, the sounds, the people, the reactions, my Daddy sitting in his favorite chair at the table, slumped, face discolored, arms folded in front of him, feet up on his toes, the silly bag of Lifesavers the kids gave him for Father's day in front of him (he kept refilling the bag), his overalls on, and people seemingly everywhere.  

No one knows what happened.  My mother went to bed around 9 with him in that very spot.  He often stayed up late and had asked her to stay up a while longer, but she was exhausted from a day at work.  He stayed up, I'm sure fiddling with the things that laid in front of him at that dining table, which was typical of him.  She got up around 2:30 and thought he had dozed off, went closer, and realized he was gone, still warm, sweat beads on his brow. He had made tomato juice just hours earlier, spent some time outside, in his garden, went to see his Dad, and somehow it was his last day on earth.

The hours and days that followed were full of food, people, choosing caskets and flowers, feeling tired and unable to sleep, feeling hungry but unable to eat, and he was buried on Tuesday the 13th beside his Grandfather and even at that point, it was unreal. I remember the tears flowing freely at the graveside and I lost it as they carried his casket to the hole in the ground. I felt like my knees were buckling under me and I couldn't hardly catch my breath.  This was it!  The end of the road for him on earth. 

Holidays seems harder as I have one less person in my life to cross of a list.  Father's day is a bit empty and hollow now.  I find that people that are 30 somethings like myself rarely understand losing a parent so their reaction towards it is to tell me about when their grandparents died, which is world's apart from losing a parent.  So, leaning on my side of the family has been essential and Jamie has been nothing, but wonderful in letting me grieve however I needed at the time.

I will never forget this day, the good times of my Dad, the sweetness of him being my kids' G-Daddy and how he would make them giggle.  I will never forget that.  He is in heaven based upon God's promise and I will see him again one day.  Time doesn't actually heal all wounds.  Grief changes, but is always a bit present.  I can handle it now better, because the shock of it all is past and all the "firsts" have been encountered, but that Daddy sized hole is always in my heart. 

Updates and Happenings!

I'm terrible about updating this thing:-)  I'm trying to do better, but times creeps up on me! 

Chloe was saved on Mother's day and baptized on July 7th.  I was caught by surprise a bit, but was gently nudged by God that "age" or "maturity" simply has nothing to do with it.  She had just turned 7, but being the "baby" of the family is often thought of to be younger in some ways, I guess.  We have been tremendously blessed in 2013!  We are at a new church and have 2 new Christian girls!  What could be better than seeing your kids born into Christ's kingdom? 

This summer has come and gone.  We took a Hughes family trip to Tybee Island for a week in June, Jamie and I celebrated 19 years of marriage while we were there (sort of...I don't think we ever officially celebrated), the kids have gone to 3 VBS's, they made new friends, and played a lot outdoors as usual during this mild and less humid summer break!  Good ol' summertime fun!

Again, we started our school year in July.  We began our 5th week today and I have an 8th grader, 6th, 5th, and 2nd.  It is going well after several technical (frustrating) difficulties. I think we are getting our groove now.  Our history is derived from the American Girl Novels, so you can imagine the girls' interest and soaking it up like a sponge. So what if the Revolutionary Period is better known as "Felicity's time period" if they remember it? 

Jamie completed his first 5K, which was his gift for Father's day and we made it an overnight trip.  I hung out at the hotel while he ran in the dark in Nashville.  He enjoyed it and was all pumped ready to do another. 

We joined the YMCA after vacation to keep up with the kids' excellent swimming!  Naturally Jamie gravitated to the treadmills.  After a 2nd teenager in our church was admitted to St. Jude's, we signed up for the St. Jude Family Fun Run in Memphis in December.  Our little mission project for the year.  Our hotel is booked, our running shoes are bought, and we are practicing for our (whopping) 1 mile walk/run.  I was so afraid I would be the dead weight that I have been working out 5 days a week, cut out sweet tea (gasp!), donned some new running shoes and am hitting the parks early in the morning and the treadmills when weather doesn't permit.  My stamina is increasing, I feel more energetic, patient, and am making better food choices.  Jamie is still holding out that I will want to do a 5K.  At the rate i'm going, perhaps that may happen in a couple of YEARS!  I'm slow, but can see steady progress for ME (unimpressive by most).  Time will tell, but it has been something new, for sure.  My goal is just not to be the slowpoke at the Fun Run! 

2013 is chalking up to be one of our best years yet!