Bring on 2012

2010 was the hardest year I'd had to date. Jamie's job situation was stressful to say the least, we had an abrupt move, loss of "friends", and no home for a few months. It was a very sad year, although we did have some "good" come out of it.

2011 started off OK and we finished our house renovations in June and things were going well. Then in September, I got a phone call that changed everything. My Daddy died and nothing else mattered in the world. 2011 proved that 2010 really wasn't so bad after all, I suppose. I still miss my Daddy every single day and I never realized how much grief resembles physical pain. I don't understand it, but I have to reconcile that I never will and somehow move forward. To say that the last few months have been hard, would be an understatement. Our world has been rocked and will never be the same. He will never live to be old, will never see his grandchildren grow up, great-grandchildren being born, and enjoy retirement with my Mother.

Here I sit at the feet of 2012 and once again, I'm hoping for a better year. I suppose I had the same thoughts last year as we began 2011. In fact, I know I did. Ironic, isn't it? I guess the fact is that 2012 remains a mystery, live each day as if it is your last, pray to God that he will give you peace in your heart for the things you don't understand, tell your family that you love them and smother them in hugs and kisses, and enjoy each moment in life as each day is a gift.

So bring on 2012 and I pray that it is a peaceful one!

Mission Focus

As my children create their wish lists, we have parties and family gatherings, bake goodies and candy, wrap gifts, and anticipate getting up to a room full of gifts on Christmas morning. I'm trying to get them to focus on Christ, but also to have a mission focus. I have received a couple of magazines from World Vision lately. I have been intrigued by them and thumbed through them casually. This morning in our Bible study we reflected on children around the world that aren't as blessed as we are. We may be "poor" by American standards, but we are incredibly rich to much of the world who long for clean water, shoes for their feet, and a meal each day.

We had Bible study this morning and then I pulled out the magazine and we decided to create a donation jar for World Vision to help those in need. My kids were so excited, they went and grabbed their piggy banks and emptied it into the jar. I'm putting this jar in a location where we will see it each day. This isn't just a Christmas project, it is a Mission Project. While I know there are many charities and needs to be met right here in my own county, I also realize there is a world of basic needs that people lack, and a world that Jesus loves and wants us to love and care about as well. I want my children to realize that we are blessed beyond measure. I want them to see the WORLD that Jesus loves and wants us to love and give generously too as well.

Here is a verse that my kids memorized a few weeks ago that became our focus verse for this project:

2 Corinthians 9:7
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

My heart smiled this morning as my children volunteered to get their own money before I even suggested it. They were a true example of a cheerful giver. While I told them it is perfectly fine to show love in gifts to our loved ones at Christmas, which is what we do. We should also realize that there is so much more to it! Jesus loves everybody and I think sometimes we tend to forget that as we walk out our front doors and see our little area of the world.

World Vision

So, Life is Busy...

I know I haven't updated as regularly. It is hard to catch a break and when I do (after the kids go to bed), I am lounging on the couch, watching some junk TV, and snuggling with my fur-baby. Many days I feel "behind" but I'm beginning to wonder "behind of what?" I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves.

We are almost halfway through the school year and my kids never cease to impress me. They are learning, I am learning (yes you have to relearn all this stuff sometimes), and we are cruising right along. Chloe is reading around a 6.75 year old reading level (give or take), Abbi is learning long division (oh the dread, but she is doing well), Micah is acing math, and Hannah is writing more descriptive than ever. I am so glad I can have this experience first hand. God has blessed us all through homeschooling. It was scary at first, but what isn't when you are being obedient to God?

Jamie is going to be preaching at the MCU church come January. To say that I'm a little nervous would be an understatement. I was apprehensive at first. The kids are settled and happy. Jamie and I are learning and content and then here we go again. Jamie really felt like God was leading to him this, so I told him that I respected that and let's give it a try. So, again, obedience is often scary, but I know it is worth it.

I am still on the roller coaster from losing my Daddy. I'm still just so confused by it some days. I just wish I could scream to God, "WHY!?!" at the top of my lungs and have an answer. I will dream about him then jolt awake of the realization that I'll never talk to him again on earth. I wish he could have seen my kids grow up (a little more at least). I wish he could have taken them fishing this fall like he was planning to. I wish a lot of things and now it is Christmas time....I have 1 less person to shop for and that feels....wrong. I still cry sometimes and I often feel like nobody understands how my heart feels with this missing piece. I don't understand any of this.

Gigi (named after G-Daddy, of course) has brought much life and fun to our house. She is just so sweet and playful. She plays hard, then sleeps hard and is doing so well. She is house training really well, crating at night without whining (finally), and is probably way too rotten to even mention already. We haven't had a dog in 16 years so to say that we are smitten is an understatement. I feel like I have a toddler around the house again with the constant "puppy sitting" but with 4 extra sets of eyes to help watch, it is working well. No disasters to speak of yet:-) A little piece of my Daddy sort of and our entire family has gone a little nuts over these dogs. God knew what we needed when we needed it and these Dogs have made us smile even on some very sad days.

My Mother is doing well considering. I always gets asked this. It is hard to say she is doing "well" because her heart is broken, but we keep her busy and she is doing as well as she can. We joke that we kind of just drag her everywhere we go, but she seems to enjoy herself and is trying to make some new memories. Thanksgiving was hard for everybody in many ways, but we all made it. Tears were flowing, but some of them weren't all bad. Mama is a strong lady and has us kids and grandkids to get her through, which is not the same, but hopefully a close second. She is trying to figure out a new normal. Losing a spouse rocks your entire world and you lose the love of your life.

Christmas is around the corner. We will be on break after next week and ending with a school party. Jamie's MCU party is tonight. I got a new outfit and hoping that I don't freeze too much. Why is it that all semi-formal dress outfits are FREEZING and then the guys get to wear suits? I guess I may be stealing Jamie's suit coat before the night is over. WE are also headed to MCU tomorrow to see Santa and get our annual picture.

Sorry this is long...I feel kind of behind in my blogs and thoughts. Life needs to slow down, but come January/February maybe things will seem a little more settled