Have you ever felt like you just wanted to be let off the roller coaster of life? We kind of feel that way right now. It seems like things will "settle" then we turn around and encounter another problem. My Daddy dying was the biggest problem of the last year (biggest problem of my life), but then it seems like we've had one thing after another. These other things aren't really a big deal by themselves, but when they are all smooshed up against the other stresses and other problems, then suddenly you feel like you can't take much more. It's like we are in a huge snowball that just keeps mounting up on itself.
My life is good. We are happy and my family can always bring a big smile to my face. I don't think there are many days that go by where I haven't laughed hysterically about something (most of the time multiple times a day), because having 4 kids is the most wonderful gift I've ever been given! I always feel like I have to remind anybody reading that I'm not in a state of depression:-) I'm not.
I've cried this week, but not because I'm depressed. It is because I'm worried. I worry about an impending surgery for Jamie. While getting tonsils removed isn't a "life or death" situation, it really is a bit of a bigger deal in adults. I know he will be OK (even better) after he heals, but who wants surgery? We have bathed this issue in prayer and I've not lost hope yet, but after being almost halfway through the 3 week antibiotic, and him feeling worse, my feelings of hope are being replaced with plans of what we are to do next. He goes the last day of the month to the ENT, where I feel like surgery will be scheduled.
Considering we already owe a nice chunk of change to MCCH (who are the most unreasonable hospital to work out payment plans in my experience), then I remain stressed as I look at the upcoming months for our family. I'm really not sure how it will work out, honestly. God knows, but I don't. The fact is, that all of this (to us) is a BIG deal. It isn't this ONE thing that makes this a huge deal, but a culmination of things that has gotten us to the point of STRESSED! I've mentioned that I'm praying for healing to a few people and I've often been met with smiles, chuckles, and people kind of blowing off our concerns. I'm not joking. I see my husband in pain when others don't, and I know our financial battles that lie ahead (they seem impossible to me right now). No, I'm not joking. I'm very serious. THIS is the reasons that Jamie and I are very private about our personal lives. It is NOT funny or something we are smiling about. It is something that I have cried about and poured my heart out to God about, but laughter is not even on my radar even for a second.
We have asked people to pray (first and foremost) for healing. It is not impossible yet!
2 comments:
Will be praying for you and your family. I know how difficult it can be when a loved one has to undergo surgery and I pray that Jamie doesn't have to have surgery that medication can take care of his needs. Know I also understand about financial stress and what it can do to a family. I pray all needs are met.
You have a very caring spirit Mrs. JoAnn. Thank you
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