When you fall off the horse, you have to get back up!

So, I've been wallowing in my emotions for almost 24 hours now and I can't really cry anymore (right now anyways). Life is full of disappointment and worry, and I'm beyond sick of it right now. Jamie and I have both cried and been so angry at this whole situation. It is so hard to not know what is up on the road ahead. It is honestly one of the hardest things for me. I just want to sneak a peek at the other side. It is hard not to ask "Why?". I know that is not super spiritual, but if I'm thinking it, I might as well say it out loud to God or anybody else. Maybe my faith is weak. Maybe it is just that I think my faith is weak, because my emotions are taking over. One thing I've learned from being a Christian for the past 12 years (almost) is that our emotions are not reliable. They often deceive us and are not a measure of faith.

We've never had the blessing to be financially stress-free. Most people aren't, we do realize that, but to have to constantly worry for almost 15 years gets to you after a while, especially after disappointments and having to wait. The house in Murray is a burden. There is no other way to verbalize that. When we first moved here, I was the one talking Jamie off the ledge. I was the one saying, "Do you not think that God can get this house sold?". Now it is both of us on the ledge and it is not pretty! In all honesty, that house was our biggest concern in this move, and we are still dealing with that. Sometimes when our resources are gone, all you can do is cry out and pray and then do that over and over again.

So, last night my dryer broke. Just quite working. We stayed up late trying to do what we could physically do and it was to no avail. It was several years old and the cheapest one Lowe's had at the time, so it kind of figures to be honest. Jamie's parents are gracious enough to help us fix that problem, but others lie ahead. We thank them tremendously for relieving that extra burden right now. More than they'll ever realize! With 4 children, we have a lot of laundry!

But, Jamie called a bit ago, and we are both kind of leaning on each other right now to trudge through this valley that we are in. I had an emotional breakdown with my mother today and I think he had one with his dad. Sometimes, it feels good just to have someone listen and say, "I'm sorry" on the other end, you know? Life just stinks sometimes and there is no way around that.

I told Jamie, we are so blessed in so many ways. Right now, I need to focus on that and try to get to the big picture of it all

• We have 4 beautiful wonderful smart children that God has entrusted us with. We have each other and Jamie is such a wonderful, compassionate, Godly husband. We are the best of friends as well as spouse and those are the best kind (maybe I'm partial).
  
• Jamie loves his job more than any other he has ever had. It has been such a joy to hear him talk about his ministry with a smile and excitement in his voice. I haven't had that for a long time with him.
  
• Our kids are happy
• Our neighborhood is lovely. Different than we are used to, but now we are converted city folk. I have no desire to be in the country away from convenience again. Never thought I'd feel that way honestly.
• Our new church is enjoyable and the kids are learning more than they ever have about God's word.
• All of our needs have been provided.
• The weather has been warmer the past few days.
• We are all healthy.
• God loves us even when he seems far away.