Decisions and Changes in our House

Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Over the last week, Jamie and I have been in the praying process for the future of our children. The Lord has entrusted us with these 4 little children and, through him, we want to do what is best for them. That isn't always easy. I think any good parent questions decisions that they have made. I think we all secretly walk around wondering if we are "ruining" their lives. I think we start worrying about our children the minute that we see 2 lines on the pregnancy test. It changes your outlook and life to have this ultimate responsibility.

Almost 2 years ago, God jerked the rug out from under us when he moved us away from our comforts of "home". It was a wild ride and that is how we ended up where we are. Of course, again, I wasn't worried about our adjustment, I was worried about my kids (especially my oldest 2 children who already were in school). You know what? They did great. Kids are usually more flexible than us old people, and I think we tend to forget that.

Since we moved here, there are some things that I have missed tremendously about Murray. At the top of my list is that I never get to go on a "free" date with my wonderful husband. We have only been on 1 official date since moving.

The other issue that I have had a constant struggle with for almost 2 years is the school. It is a great academic school, don't get me wrong. My kids are learning a lot and it is ranked in the top 10 schools in Kentucky. Academically, I don't think we'd get much better in a school system. But, it has been a growing frustration. My kids do not get recess, even in Kindergarten. It is not built into the school day. It is only "if they have time". Guess what? They never have time! It broke my heart that sometimes they would miss some beautiful spring days by being inside a school building.

Another issue was the amount of work they are putting on my children. I want my kids to learn. I want them to learn tons and excel in every way possible, don't get me wrong. But doing 2-4 hours of homework by 8 years old is too much. Especially since they never get any sort of break during the school day. Even adults want to turn their brains off for a bit to wind down. That has been hard to watch. Our evenings are spent policing homework. We have absolutely zero quality time Monday-Thursday when school is in session. I live for breaks, to be quite honest. During Christmas, we had the best times in the evenings just playing with our kids.

So, these issues have been plaguing my brain for a while. Everybody around here is always telling me what a "great" school we are in. I want to say, "great for what?" Test scores? Academics? Stressing my kids out? Stressing me out? Teaching to test? Looking good to everybody else? Yes, it is great at doing all those things, but I want my kids to be kids. This "wonderful" education has come at a very precious cost and a cost that we won't have a second chance at. We will turn around twice and they'll be headed off to college. How much time do we really have with our kids anyways?

So, last week, I hit a brick wall. I was literally in tears after a 4 hour homework session. Sweet little Micah never complains. One of his best traits (among many....what a sweet boy!) is his "go with the flow" personality. I told Jamie how frustrated I was. I was just so "done" with the situation and really mourning what we were missing out on. I also knew what 3rd grade would entail for Abbi next year. Abbi is a child that really needs a break. She is doing great in school, but she is so "over" it by the time she gets home in the evenings.

He mentioned homeschool and we talked about it casually for a few minutes (not even a serious conversation). Well, I dreamed homeschool that night. I got up the next day and emailed one of my best friends that homeschools (she also pulled hers from a very academic-oriented public school) and scoured webpages that she sent me to get a "feel" for the costs, logistics, questions, etc. I think I wasted the entire day Friday just researching homeschool.

I pondered all weekend and I had that sick pit in my stomach and couldn't get it out of my head. I had to wonder...was this a calling from God or was it just my frustration levels? I also had a million other uncertainty's and questions rolling around in my head. I'm sure Jamie would even say that I was in "la la land" this weekend.

Monday I finally just prayed about it and surrendered. Jamie was already telling me that he wanted to do this, but ultimately I'd be the one carrying it out, so he wanted me to have the final say. I just gave up the internal battle. I had tried to bargain with God, beg my way our of it, justify another decision, etc. None of it worked! God was calling us to change and we want to be in His will.

So, as of 2010-2011 school year, we will be a homeschooling family. My kids are very excited about it. Hannah said, "I think this is an excellent idea!" and you would have thought I had told Micah that he was going to Disney world. He was so happy to get to play again and very excited that we will be "A Christian school". There is a group here where my kids can still be involved with field trips and such with their peers. It is the best of both worlds!

It will be a lot of work. I'm sure there will be days, that I want to throw my hands up and give up. I'm sure I will wonder many times if I'm teaching them the "right" things. I'm positive that my confidence level will go up and down through all of this. But, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! He doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called!

It doesn't hurt that I have an educational background. I do have a "teacher brain" so to speak. I graduated from college 12 years ago. I was a new Christian at that time and I really didn't know what my future held (who does?). But, as I sit back, I realize that God was probably preparing me even then. He knew that this day was coming. He was preparing me for such a time as this!

So, just pray for us! It is very overwhelming, yet exciting! We are embarking on new territory for us. I will have a great support system here, but it is still the fear of the unknown that is scary!

Sorry for the novel!