What will things be like?

I picked up a Shutterfly book here at my in-laws house that was a bound copy of my blog from 2008. It was so sweet to go through the memories and look at how much my kids have grown. It was kind of weird to read my thoughts and feelings about our move and church knowing what I know now. Knowing that our ministry there would be short and end abruptly. I feel like there are many loose ends left in Owensboro that will never be tied up. We didn't get to follow through on some teenager summer commitments. That will be left to others. My girls didn't get to finish the year in public school even though we are having fun homeschooling. Micah went to 4 hours of auditions and 2 play practices for a play that he will never be in. I hate loose ends! I didn't even really get to say "good-bye" to many of the wonderful youth that we have bonded with over the 2 years. It was just all too much to take in and I was much better off emotionally to stay at home.

I can't help, but sit and wonder what the future brings for the Hughes family. I'm not even sure how to go into a church and just be a regular member anymore. My kids won't have to be PK's? We can go to a Bible Study class and just learn and be fed for a while? What will that be like? Do you realize how long it has been since we have attended an adult SS class? A long, long time! It makes me kind of excited that in a couple of years we can help with the youth program as parents. We can minister, but in a different way.

Who knows...maybe even in a more effective way once we get to be out from under the microscope. The microscope can be suffocating and make you look at church, people, and things differently. Life under the microscope is hard sometimes. Sometimes too hard. Sometimes, you begin to believe the things that others think they see. Most of the time they've never really taken the time to get to know you as a person. Ministers are still people that need your unconditional love, friendship, and support. Instead, ministers are seen as a commodity. Somebody that will do something for the church or them. Do you know how many families send us a Christmas card from our past churches? Only one....I actually think we'll make some stronger connections just being a member and being able to share burdens, praises, and be ourselves. They'll actually see us for who we are and we need that right now.

My husband is in Arizona this week ministering to the Native Americans. It is a passion that he holds in his heart that I believe God has lit. God's timing is perfect, and even though we have been emotionally drained the past few weeks, I know that it was good for Jamie to get away from his personal life for a while. I miss him like crazy and have been emotional at times this week, but it has been nice to be with my family and people that truly care about us as people.

He will be back tomorrow night. I think we'll head back "home" Saturday to get busy packing. Things have happened very quickly and it has been a lot to take in. God is never changing! He is not surprised and he is not going to fail us. I know that he will give us everything that we need and then some. I know I'm blessed immensely as I look around at the beautiful faces in my family. People often fail us and disappoint, but God is right there to pick us up and brush us off for the next adventure. We've had our eyes set on youth ministry for so long that God has removed that tunnel vision. I can really see Jamie being a great asset to the university and they are excited to have him on board. I'm excited to see what God has in store for us. And, don't think that we will stop ministering. It will just be in a different way. We will trudge ahead and keep going in this life.

I will continue to homeschool and God has really given me a peace about doing this all the way through graduation. I'll admit, when I first surrendered to homeschooling, I was going to take it "one year at a time". Getting them to graduation seemed like something I wasn't "qualified" for. But, God has given me a peace that I can do it through him. I can't do it on my own, which was my first mistake. It is all about Him and I know that he'll provide the knowledge, resources, etc that we need to make this work. That sounds like a huge undertaking to me right now, but what part of parenting isn't?

So, what will things be like? I really don't know, but I give that over to Him to take care of. I trust in him that things are laid out before us. And maybe that was our mistake and the mistake of many other Christians. We are too busy making plans to see the big picture. This is just a bump in the road.