This past Sunday we joined a church. This church to be exact. It has been difficult to be without a church home. Once we visited this church, we never really looked back. Their beliefs line up with ours, the children's and youth departments are thriving and growing, and the preacher is down to earth and knowledgeable (but also isn't afraid to say, "I don't know"). It is challenging, and it makes me stop and think. I like that!
It is a newer church (less than 12 years old I think?). They started out meeting in a rented storefront and are now sitting on several acres in a tin building. The church is raising funds to build a permanent church house without debt. I respect that in more ways than most people will ever realize. The potential of the church is right there and I'm excited to see God work. I can't wait to see the ways that God will provide the money and resources.
I've missed being a part of a church family and it has been a while that we haven't been in a paid leadership position. The pressure is off and now we can sit back, learn, grow, volunteer, and be ourselves. Nobody is watching us in an attempt to find out our mistakes or flaws. Nobody is going to be complaining we didn't do enough, we didn't react correctly, talking behind our backs with evil intentions, twisting the truth, or trying to push us out the door.
On the flipside, it has been a long long time since we've been an 'ignorant' church member. In all honesty, ignorance is truly blissful! Sometimes "the good, the bad, and the ugly" is not pretty in church leadership. We've seen it over and over again. Sometimes you can know "too much" and it can taint your view of people and give you a lack of trust. We had a pastor friend tell us years ago, "I trust no one except my wife". I was stunned at the time and didn't understand that statement, but as years went forward in the ministry, I got it. I got it more than ever.
You know what? I want to build some relationships and friendships and trust again. I want people to love me as as flawed human being and know that we are just Christians that are trying to do the best we know how.
The sermon on Sunday was right to us, I can tell you. I haven't felt in a very long time that somebody was preaching straight to me and nobody else was in the room. Jamie and I looked at each other several times in the sermon and I know beyond a doubt we were thinking the same thing. This past week a lot of buried emotion was stirred up again with us. We knew we were joining that church and so old feelings cropped up. Honestly, we've been too busy to care lately, but I guess the finality of it all made things come to surface.
Through that sermon, I had tears in my eyes as I realized that God was telling me to "let go" of the things that have bogged me down spiritually and emotionally lately. God is big enough to not only take care of my needs, but to take care of things that I cannot see, know, or anticipate. I may always have a piece of me that wants to cry out "why?" I sometimes wonder if I'll ever look at 2010 and not have tears in my eyes. Will I ever be able to think of some people, places, or events, and just say, "OK God, thank you for testing me and making me stronger" Will I ever get to that point? God only knows, but it is no longer going to bog down my life in a negative manner. I am washing my hands of it in a sense and just getting on with my life. I'll never forget, as it is now a part of me, a scar. But like a scar from a physical wound, it will heal. A scar is a reminder, but it heals, grows back together, and becomes new again.
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