About a Year Later

I was just thinking today about our homeschooling journey. I'm obsessively researching what we'll be doing next year so I can get the discounts and deals at the conference and know what vendors to check out (there are too many to hit them all).

I had an emotional breakdown sometime in Feb. 2010. When we moved to Owensboro we rented a house in one of the best school districts in the state. I think it was ranking in the top 10 and had won national awards. I was so excited about my kids getting this fabulous opportunity. I quickly enrolled them after the move. I was very nervous about the school change already, but Micah is so outgoing, Abbi was only going into the 1st grade and Hannah into Kindergarten. How bad could it be? Even though we really liked North Elementary and its familiarity, I was confident that my kids would adjust well.

So, I walked them into school on that first day and settled them into their class. I always got emotional on the kids' Kindergarten year, but this time, it was really bad. I felt the lump in my throat swelling up as we dropped the kids off one by one. It was like the first day of Kindergarten all over again except worse! I did make it to the car with tears in my eyes. Chloe was a nice distraction since she was also upset that she lost her 3 playmates. It was Jamie's day off and we distracted ourselves all day.

Everything seemed to be going according to plan. The kids were happy enough at the beginning. I would ask them if they got to play outside and the answer was always the same, "no." When we had an open house meeting a few weeks later, the teachers handed us their schedule and none (even in Kindergarten) included recess into their schedule. It was "if we have time" instead of standard. We found out rather quickly that "if we had time" rarely happened even in beautiful 70 degree perfect weather.

Jamie and I were not happy. I knew that my ADHD son needed the breaks and I wanted my kids to be able to have a little fun during the day anyways. They were each bringing home a pile of homework every night and by the time they got a snack and a short breather in the afternoon, it was time to start cracking the books. Cracking the books we did...sometimes for hours and hours. Micah rarely had less then 2 hours of homework each night. Most of the time it was more...much more!

School had not been in session very long when Micah was coming home complaining about kids making fun of him. We worried about him making friends already, but this only made us worry more. He didn't seem unhappy to go to school and he did talk about a couple of boys that he was friends with, so we tried to tell him to ignore them and focus on this real friends. That worked for a bit, but by the time school had been in several months, Micah was in the path of bullies that wouldn't let up. It went from verbal abuse to physical. He was being tripped, pinched, poked, laughed at, and at one point pinned against the wall by several at once.

Jamie and I were livid! I did not send my kids to school to be abused. I know it happens, but this was ridiculous. We went to teachers, principals, vice-principals and it was always kind of the same. The teachers seem oblivious and were telling me that Micah was adjusting fine. With 29 kids in one classroom, of course this was happening behind their backs. Micah would tell the teacher and either get blown off or he'd have to pull a card (punished) also. They had a bully policy on file, but it was like they didn't want to address this as a real problem.

So, guess what he learned to do? Nothing! He would be bullied and not tell. What was the point? The teachers weren't listening. He'd tell us, and we tried to get things done to no avail. I felt defenseless and like I couldn't even protect my own child. We watched as he became quieter, more withdrawn, and not as imaginative as he once was. I thought it was just him getting older or something. The outward signs in his personality were so slow and gradual that it was really hard to put a finger on.

Fast forward to his 4th grade year where he got a new teacher and a new grouping of kids in his class. We thought that it might get better. His teacher seemed really great this time. It was not long at all before these kids were back to their old tricks with Micah as their target. He would get in the car every day with piles of useless busy homework and tears in his eyes as he recounted his day. It was always the same old thing. Again, we tried to do the right thing and get his teachers on board. Again, they wanted to brush these real problems under the rug. Micah wasn't telling and his teacher acted like he was Mr. Popular in class and was well liked. Maybe he was, but how many bullies does it take to make your life miserable?

By the end of January, he got in the car daily bawling. Micah is my laid back child (almost to a fault at times) and he was miserable. He never cried, yet here he was crying every single day. I would go home and wonder what in the world we were doing. Jamie and I would just talk about it endlessly. I vented to my mother on several occasions and I just didn't know what to do anymore.

Then February rolled around. I snapped at some point during the month. He had over 4 hours of homework and by the time 8:00 rolled around Jamie and I were just feeding him answers to get it done. Combine that with the bullying and after the kids went to bed that night, I broke down. I sat there across from Jamie and said that I didn't know what to do. He said something in jest about me homeschooling. I didn't even really take it to heart. I just remember how heartbroken I was for my little boy.

That night I slept fitfully. I dreamed about homeschooling and it made me wonder why Jamie had said that to me. I woke up a million times that night and just prayed to God for a clear cut answer and what I was suppose to do. I kept hearing the same thing ringing in my ears, "homeschool". I ignored it! Isn't that what we all do? I kept thinking, "there is no way I can do that, God" "I'm not equipped for that" "I was going to be going back to work in a couple of years" "How will I know what to teach" "Won't my kids be lonely"

But, God did not grant me peace about it. So, I did what any woman does. I emailed a good friend of mine that went through something similar with her kids. She was a teacher friend of mine from 'back in the day' that was (and still is) one of my very best friends. She sent me some links and pointed me in some directions of what to do. I looked up the homeschooling laws in KY (which is very laid back) and tried desperately to pray myself out of this! I didn't "want" that calling. I didn't "want" that burden and responsibility.

So, I continued to ignore for a few days. Again, I didn't sleep and God kept prompting me. He just won't leave you alone when he wants something, will he? I talked to Jamie about it (for real this time) and he told me that it was my decision. Great! So, I rested on it 1 more night and then decided to just give it to God. I told Jamie the next day that God had called us to homeschool and he just sort of smiled and said that he had been thinking about it for over year, but didn't want me to do something just because. He wanted it to be something laid on my heart.

My original intention was to finish out the year, but Micah got into the car one afternoon and said he didn't want to go back. I asked him if he was very sure and he said, 'yes'. I told him that it was done and that he wouldn't have to go back. I got my letter to the board office that Friday afternoon and he never went back.

Again, I was intending for the girls to finish out the year, but we ended up moving early, I pulled them too and the rest is history.

I think one of the most nervous moments was calling our families. My mother was very excited and encouraging. She knew some of the trials we had gone through though. Jamie's parents were also very supportive and understanding. It was nice to have the grandparents on our side. Even at 30 something years old, you still don't want to make a decision that your parents will view as a huge mistake (especially when grandkids are concerned).

So, here we sit almost a year later still trudging away and making plans for next year. Now, I can't even believe I fought it so hard. I can't believe that homeschooling is such a joy in my life. I can't believe how well my kids are thriving. I'm so blessed to have stress-free evenings back into my life. It has increased our family time together. It has shown me that God can do anything even when you don't really think you can.