95 Years Young

I have several updates with cute pictures that need to be done, but I can't find my card reader and it'll have to wait and then it'll be picture overload I suppose.

I got a phone call yesterday morning that my Papaw was very ill. My heart sort of flip flopped as I thought "here we go again". I had visited with my Papaw on Halloween and tears flooded his eyes as he spoke about how it is hard getting old referring to losing all of his family that he had a hand in making. It was something that we had spoken of 1000 times since Daddy died, but to hear him say it made me so sad. His grieving has been different than ours. It is almost like he is just now realizing what has happened and he is suddenly missing my Daddy very much. He has buried both of his children and his wife. He has my mother (who is much like his own daughter) and us grandchildren left, but I do realize in many ways that it is not the same. He probably wished as I did yesterday morning that my Daddy was here to take care of things, but he isn't. If 95 means burying your entire family...count me out, please!

I visited with him last night and while most 95 year old people are not aware of the situation, he fully is and it is even sadder in some ways. He was scared. He mentioned my Daddy as he laid there in pain and he wants to do things how Daddy would have wanted them. He was difficult to understand, because his mouth was dry and we could only make out a piece of what he was trying to say. He looked so helpless laying up there. My last grandparent I have left and my only living "father figure" on this earth.

It was determined today that he has a bleeding ulcer and did suffer a mild heart attack. It was successfully clamped off and he is expected to make a full recovery. He is a remarkable man. He has been through and seen a lot in his 95 years. I suspect he will be deer hunting here very soon:-)

I sometimes have felt like the past 9 weeks have been upside down, inside out, and turned around backwards. I don't understand it and when I try to sit and figure it out, it just upsets me more, because I know in my heart that I never will. Tomorrow we are going to pick out a tombstone and it is another sense of reality slapping me in the face that this is not going away. My Daddy is gone and his name will be etched in stone to prove it.