One of the Best Moments of my Life!

You know how you have those moments you just want to bottle up and never forget? I had one of those moments on Thanksgiving! It was (hands down) one of my favorite Mommy moments...ever! Absolutely awesome!

We put our tree up Wed. night and while it was happy for the kids, I felt the lump in my throat beginning to form. The reality that my Daddy was not longer with us became all new again. I shed a few tears after the kids went to bed and got up the next morning feeling much the same way. I knew that we had big surprises in store for that evening, but I had to get to that point.

I walked in at my mother's and everybody was all a buzz and when all got quiet and Jamie began to pray for our food, but also added that we rejoiced that 'David' was in heaven but to please be with us as we miss him greatly during the holidays, we were all crying. I just missed him so badly these past couple of weeks!

We also saved one of the best surprises we've ever given the kids on that day. I did that with the intention of taking the sting out and I know that my day ended a lot happier than it began. God gave us a litter of puppies just a few weeks after Daddy died from Daddy's dog. My Dad always had a dog. He loved them so much and animals were always such a huge part of my life. We had many dogs, a couple of cats, chickens, ducks, birds, a horse, a pig, a cow, fish, rabbits...I promise my Dad was not Old MacDonald! We've just never been in a good 'place' to add an animal to our family, so we didn't. God's timing is always perfect though and sitting beside me right at this moment is a little black and white blessing!

We wrapped the crate and turned it into the room backwards with Gigi inside. The kids even named Gigi weeks ago thinking she was going to stay with my Mother. Gigi, of course, named after "G-Daddy" and such a cute little name for a pup. When they discovered that Gigi was a Hughes doggie, I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. They were so surprised and so happy that it just made a very hard day so joyous! Micah was in total disbelief, but the smiles on their faces were priceless as is this sweet little puppy! She has been a God send during a very difficult time. God knows just what we need when we need it, I suppose and I needed her! She has been a wonderful asset to our family already. I can't wait to make many memories with her.

And as Abbi wrote in her journal this morning, "Beat that Santa!" Yea, it won't ever top this, but that is OK;-)

Jamie bringing the gift in:

The kids wondering why they have a gift on Thanksgiving:

And the family photo:

Gobble Gobble!

I have very mixed emotions coming into the holiday season. I love to see the excitement and wonder in my children's eyes. I love to celebrate Christ, his birth, and the things he has given to me. This year is just different. My Daddy won't be sitting at the head of the table. His loss has suddenly become very heavy again in my heart as I was putting up my tree last night and we celebrate Thanksgiving today. I have so many people tell me that he is "better off", but in my human heart, I wanted him to see my kids grow up, live his retirement years with my mother, and just be here on earth a little longer. He still had much living to do and was feeling so good. I know that he is "better off" in my head (as we'd all be better off in heaven), but I wanted him around a bit longer. Maybe I didn't realize how much I needed him until he was no longer here. I don't know. All I know is that there is an empty spot in my heart that my never be filled and I just want to ask God "why?"

However, I have much to be thankful for. God has blessed us abundantly. I had the gift of my salvation 14 years ago, which changed my life and made me who I am right now. I have a wonderful Godly hard-working husband who loves us unconditionally. I have 4 kids that make me smile each day no matter my mood. I have been given the God-appointed opportunity to teach my children and see them grow in academics, but more importantly character. I have wonderful "extended" family that love me warts and all and I can be "real" with and who are my very best friends. I have good friends that lift me up and pray for me. I have a new church that challenges my thoughts more than I've ever been challenged in a church setting before. We have a cute little house that we finally get to OWN and fix up to our heart's content (I'm equally thankful that we are finished fixing it up for now though!). We are all healthy and that is also a gift! And the big event of the day is our furry little family member that will be joining us this afternoon. She is a little gift from heaven and a piece of my Daddy. There will be some puppy cuddles and smooches going on in the Hughes house TODAY!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Falling Apart

Last month I went to the doctor for my annual check up/blood work-up. She had me come in today to discuss the results. Well, let's just say that I feel like I may be falling apart! She started out telling me that I have hypothyroidism (like my Mother) and while I was trying to digest this and ask questions, she looked back down at the paper and said, "I'm not done yet" and I was like, "oh?" and she proceeded to tell me that my B12 levels were severely low and so was my Vitamin D. She said my body may not process B12, but after looking at the list of foods that are good in B12, there are probably other reasons as well, because I'm just not a big meat eater. So, I had to start shots today. I will go once a week for 5 weeks, then every other week, then another blood draw in 3 months to see where we are at. Sounds fun huh?

She said that some people have low Vitamin D coming out of winter, but for whatever reason I have a low level coming out of summer. I sit outside with my children while they play, take walks, sit at soccer games, etc and have a low Vitamin D level? So, I have to take a prescription for this.

She put me on some Amino Acids a few weeks ago, I will take 2 thyroid pills, a Vitamin D and a B12 shot weekly (for now). What the heck! I guess I better get me a pill box to match Jamie's, because mine will be stuffed full with 6 different pills (some I take twice a day!)!

It is hard getting old I suppose, but it is worth being healthy to be around for my husband, kids, and future grandchildren!

Daddy's Tombrock

Yesterday my Mama, Davida, and I spent all day looking at tombrocks. I don't think any of us realized how many details and decisions went into this decision. It was a bit overwhelming, but I think the final result will be beautiful and a wonderful representation of my Daddy. I think the man that designed it captured my Daddy's essence in a very special way. The rock will be black and a slanted type (wider at the base, and narrow at the top like a triangle).

The picture above is what the rock will look like. The top is the back of it with a deer, 4 wheeler, tobacco barn, squirrel, and woods. Perfect! My Daddy was the happiest outside, hunting, gardening, and of course on his 4 wheeler. Davida and I are represented on the back as well. The front is the picture at the bottom. It is more traditional to allow the black stone to shine through. We did add "G-Mama" and "G-Daddy" to again represent the grandkids in their lives.

I think it is perfect and I can't wait to see it when it arrives.

95 Years Young

I have several updates with cute pictures that need to be done, but I can't find my card reader and it'll have to wait and then it'll be picture overload I suppose.

I got a phone call yesterday morning that my Papaw was very ill. My heart sort of flip flopped as I thought "here we go again". I had visited with my Papaw on Halloween and tears flooded his eyes as he spoke about how it is hard getting old referring to losing all of his family that he had a hand in making. It was something that we had spoken of 1000 times since Daddy died, but to hear him say it made me so sad. His grieving has been different than ours. It is almost like he is just now realizing what has happened and he is suddenly missing my Daddy very much. He has buried both of his children and his wife. He has my mother (who is much like his own daughter) and us grandchildren left, but I do realize in many ways that it is not the same. He probably wished as I did yesterday morning that my Daddy was here to take care of things, but he isn't. If 95 means burying your entire family...count me out, please!

I visited with him last night and while most 95 year old people are not aware of the situation, he fully is and it is even sadder in some ways. He was scared. He mentioned my Daddy as he laid there in pain and he wants to do things how Daddy would have wanted them. He was difficult to understand, because his mouth was dry and we could only make out a piece of what he was trying to say. He looked so helpless laying up there. My last grandparent I have left and my only living "father figure" on this earth.

It was determined today that he has a bleeding ulcer and did suffer a mild heart attack. It was successfully clamped off and he is expected to make a full recovery. He is a remarkable man. He has been through and seen a lot in his 95 years. I suspect he will be deer hunting here very soon:-)

I sometimes have felt like the past 9 weeks have been upside down, inside out, and turned around backwards. I don't understand it and when I try to sit and figure it out, it just upsets me more, because I know in my heart that I never will. Tomorrow we are going to pick out a tombstone and it is another sense of reality slapping me in the face that this is not going away. My Daddy is gone and his name will be etched in stone to prove it.