Can I cry too?

Jamie won't be home until after 10pm. He is tired from driving. I'm tired from lack of sleep this week. All in a day's work for both of us, I suppose (we both love both of our jobs!). I know he wants to be home and I want him home. The timing of this trip ended up kind of terrible on our family. I'm looking forward to talking to a grown-up when he gets home.

It is past bedtime for the kids and here I sit with Chloe throwing a fit in true 3 year old form on my bed (screaming, crying, and thrashing about). I had to move her from her bed so she didn't keep the others awake. She is angry that I didn't put chocolate in her milk. And, right now, it is the battle of the wills and I will eventually win. I don't think she has quite figured out that mommy and daddy always win when you give the battle of the wills. It makes me all the more determined, because I'm every bit as strong headed as she is, but I've had 34 years of practice and well...I'm the mommy, and I'm suppose to win!

Hannah got up after about 20 minutes crying, because her stomach and throat hurts. The scabs are starting to sluff off and causing her more pain and upsetting her stomach from the blood. I wish she would eat something...anything! I think maybe she'd feel a bit stronger and better if she would. I've tried to give her everything under the sun. I don't even care if she wants to eat ice cream at every meal at this point. Believe me, I've tried and the ice cream eventually melts uneaten. I bought her some Pediasure this week and she is drinking 1 of those a day, at least. I just want my energetic little girl back! It has been a week and everybody just kept saying to me, "Oh she is young, she will bounce back quickly". She is much much better, but certainly not all the way there yet. I'm hating all this quite frankly. I don't want her in pain anymore!

Abbi just got up to see why Hannah was up and when I turned around I said, "why are you up". Not in a mean way (I was just asking), but she takes everything so personally and started bawling. I had to hug her and tell her that it was awfully sweet of her to ask about Hannah, but that she needed her sleep for school.

Micah got up and said his stomach hurts. He has complained for a few days. I kind of wonder if he didn't strain a muscle or something, because he is not "sick". He says it feels like someone is poking him and gets better and worse depending on his position. So, he was crying too. I sent him back to bed and told him to try to shut his eyes and see how it goes. I'm not sure if I'll see him again tonight or not.

So, everybody in this house was crying at the same time. So, I sat down to just vent it all out, because otherwise, I might bust from all the feelings going on inside me right now. I'm not crying, so no worries there, but my feelings are kind of out of whack this week, that is for sure. Sometimes this mommy/wife thing can be extra challenging. How can something that can rack your nerves so much, be so awesome at the same time?

Updates

Jamie is out of town until Wednesday night. He is the bus driver for the seniors group at church. I haven't even spoken to him since Sunday night. He texted me a few times last night, but they weren't out of the conference until late. So, I guess even hanging around the older generation can cause for too much busyness and not much sleep. I guess I'll find out later.

Chloe ate a rock last night. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not. I know where she got it and it was a smooth rock that was not very big, but not teeny tiny either. I'm really not sure what possessed her to eat it, but what is done is done. She came to me and told me that a rock was in her belly. Now, I need to check things until it passes. Oh joy!

Hannah is perking along pretty good, but still has her moments. The mornings are usually kind of hard since her throat is all dried out from the night and her Tylenol has worn off. Usually after a dose of medicine and some drinks, she is better. She is still kind of tired and not really hungry that much. I give her the food she requests and she takes 2 bites. I know that her appetite will pick back up after things are better, but even the ice cream that she was looking forward to is unappealing right now. I do think that after this week, she will be a Webkinz expert though.

Abbi is happy that she doesn't have a spelling test this week or homework pages. They are doing some kind of testing in her grade, so all she has to do is read this week. Mr. Thad from the Drama Club came to her classroom yesterday to do some Drama lessons. She thought that was pretty cool since she already knows him.

Micah won't find out about his audition until mid-week or so. Jamie signed him up to help backstage even if he doesn't get a part. He did really well (especially for his first one), except for the solo and he was kind of beating himself up over it. But, next time, he'll know more what to expect and maybe it won't be so nerve-racking. Jamie said it was a big process and there were kids there that really knew what they were doing. So, we'll see.

As for me, I'm a single mom this week, and busy with 2 kids in the house during the day. I'm rotating our clothes in the closet so we'll actually have some spring/summer clothes out. Up until now, we have just been making do with what we had. Maybe it'll stay warm, because you know the minute I get this job done (and it is a big job), we'll have a cold snap.

Chloe's Birthday Pictures

Well, I think that Chloe enjoyed her pink cake, pink ice cream, and pink candles that she requested. Shopping was easy, since she has been trying to steal Hannah's birthday presents all week. I just got the same thing in a different style/color and that seemed to eliminate some battles plus make her happy. We also broke out the new Dance Dance Revolution that Nana and Papa bought. It was a fun day even though I told her that she wasn't really 3 years old until 9:58 pm (after shew as in bed).


And here is a card that the kids hid and made her yesterday.

Hannah is doing better. She is still hurting (her throat and head), especially as the pain medication starts to wear off, and she is extra tired. She has moments through the day where she is up and playing pretty good, then she seems to crash right back down just as fast. She is also super emotional about things that would never bother her before. Some of that is feeling icky and some of it is probably the medicine. Maybe in a couple of days, she'll be more "herself". She is drinking her fluids well though and eating when she feels like it. Overall, I guess she is doing as well as expected to be 3 days post-op.

Micah is at the Theater Workshop as I type this at an audition for the production this summer (Annie Jr.). Jamie keeps texting me with updates. Apparently it is pretty detailed (he's been there for 2 hours), but he has made it to phase 2, which sounds promising. He was a bit nervous when he left this morning and Jamie and I are on pins and needles too. So, maybe we'll find out if I'm going to be a 'stage mom' or not soon.

Happy 3rd Birthday Chloe Jamese!

I can hardly believe that my "baby" is 3! She was born at 9:52 in the evening. She was 18 inches long and 6 pounds even. She was pretty bald and stayed that way for a couple of years. Even though she was a solid month early, she was healthy as could be and didn't even need extra Oxygen when she was born (which was a first for us).

She has grown to be this little bundle of energy. She talks all day long and I still have to watch her like a hawk, because she is bound to find something to get into. She is a very happy little girl and a joy to have around! She is growing up so quickly and even though I wish I could slow time down (not just with her, but with all of them), I'm enjoying every minute of this mommy thing!

Chloe was also born on a very special day in our family. You see, my grandmother and sister shared a birthday. It was always special to both of them. My grandmother had passed away just a month before Chloe was born, right after my uncle did, so it was a very sad time for our family. But, nothing surprises God! Chloe was born on that special birthday! Even now, when I write her birthday down, I still have a moment of disbelief. God knew that Davida needed to have a new "birthday buddy" and it was a special reminder that Grandmother was (and still is) a very special part of my life. Jamie teases that Chloe inherited my grandmother's strong will.

Birthday Buddies:

Home From the Hospital: Tonsil and Adenoid Free

Yesterday, everything ran on schedule, which I guess is amazing when we are talking about doctors. She left us for surgery at almost exactly he scheduled time of 9:15. The waiting was hard on the other side. My stomach had butterflies, well, more like birds flying around inside and I knew there was nothing I could do to take my child out of pain. I'll have to say though, Hannah didn't really seem all that nervous. She got quiet as the time approached, but she was still smiling.
When she arrived back from surgery/recovery, she was out of it. Her eyes were open and she was saying a few things, but she was not really "there". It didn't take long for her eyes to shut and I knew that she'd never remember how she got back to the room. The nurse had also told me that she threw up back in recovery, which I'll be honest, was one of my worst fears for her coming out. I really can't think of much worse than throwing up on a throat that has been operated on.
Every now and then, she would open her eyes for about 10 seconds. During one of those times, tears were streaming out of her eyes. She never made a sound or said a word, but you could tell from the look on her face that she was in misery. Her eyes fell back shut and she slept for about 2 hours. My heart was breaking again!

As the day progressed, the nurses were pushing her to drink, drink, drink. I do understand the reasoning, but for every ounce she drank, I think she threw up 2. She couldn't hold a thing down, at all. She would perk up for brief periods of time, and would want to drink, but it never failed that it would eventually end with a bucket under her chin. Overall, she slept a whole lot though.

Finally at about 10 or so last night, she laid down and was down for the count. The nurse would come in every 3 hours for pain medication (which they finally changed and that seemed to release the nausea) and for a small cup of drink.

Today, she has felt a ton better over all. She was playing around a bit this afternoon before she crashed for a nap. She is holding down her fluids too, which is a major thing right now.

Hannah was a trooper though. I think she handled things much better than most grown ups. She never put up a fuss or complaint and the only reason I know her throat feels "bad" is because I ask. Otherwise, she would never mention it. She just went along with whatever the nurses wanted her to do. Even though she said this morning, "why did that lady wake me up all night?"

She was excited about all new goodies that she got yesterday too. We have some wonderful family and friends.
So, now as the healing process begins, we pray for no difficulties and for things to go smoothly. Also praying that the surgery will take away her chronic sickness and she can be the healthy child that she was before mid-February!

Chuck-E-Cheese

Last night, we went to Chuck-E-Cheese for Hannah and Chloe's birthday. I think that the kids had a good time too. It was nice and calm going on a Monday instead of a Saturday too. I vow to never go to Chuck-E-Cheese on a Saturday from now on. It was just a different experience altogether!






We also stopped by Toys R Us to window shop. Well, Jamie snuck around and bought one of Chloe's b-day presents. Also a trip to Old Navy really quick to buy flip flops for the kids. I swear, the entire Old Navy store smells like flip flops in the summer and it is not a pleasant smell!

Tomorrow morning we report to the hopsital for Hannah's surgery. Jamie and I are both getting really nervous, needless to say! Hannah, on the other hand, isn't really nervous at all. Ignorance is bliss.

Hannah's Birthday pictures

I hope that Hannah had a great birthday. She said that it was. It was a Saturday, so we were able to spend the entire day together, which was nice. Micah had his drama performance, and he did a fantastic job! Maybe Jamie can upload the video sometime from his office (it takes forever to do it here). Next week, Micah will go for his first audition! Here is a picture of him with his group taking a bow.
That afternoon, we enjoyed the outdoors and then came in for birthday celebrations. Hannah wanted apple dumplings instead of cake. They are best served warm (with ice cream, of course) and dummy me wasn't thinking when I put the candles down into them and I couldn't figure out why they wouldn't stand up. Well, they were melting from both ends. DUH!
And, of course, presents! I guess it makes shopping for Chloe's birthday this week easy though, because it has been a constant battle, because she wants to take over the gifts.



Tonight we are headed to Evansville for Chuck E. Cheese. Hopefully going on a Monday will spare my nerves a bit. That place is a parent's worst nightmare, but the kids love it and I suppose it is worth frazzled nerves to make them happy for their birthdays.

Hannah is 6 Years Old!

About this time 6 years ago, I was holding my 3rd child in my arms for the first time. She was 19 inches long and 7 pounds, 1 ounce. She was born with a head full of black hair, which is kind of funny since she is now a blond.

Hannah has grown into a beautiful, smart, and polite little girl. She is just so sweet and cuddly and I wish I could keep her that way forever. I've already told her that she will be a fantastic mother and wife someday. She loves to clean (and often does without me telling her to) and she is always there looking out and protecting her siblings (especially Chloe) like a mother hen.

Tonight we are having chicken nuggets, green beans, cooked carrots, and apple dumplings (instead of cake) per Hannah's request for dinner. And, hey, this is her last birthday with those darn tonsils!

Surgical Safari

This afternoon was the day of the big pre-surgery bloodwork and registration. It was a long afternoon. I think I dreaded it all day! This was the first inclination that Hannah had that this surgery isn't going to be all about eating ice cream. She was a real trooper and cried a bit, but it was quiet tears. They promised that the next time she was stuck, she would be asleep, and she was happy about that.

They also took her on a tour of the surgical unit (Surical Safari). They showed her what to expect and the different areas she would be around. They were very sweet and gave her a backpack of goodies.

She is really not nervous and all, but I'm hoping that this helped for any fears that she might have that day.

Mommy Brag Time

Yesterday was report card day. I'm so pleased that my kids are doing so well in school. They work really hard and are so smart. Micah got all A's except for 2 subjects. The girls get check marks on their reports, but everything was checked off up to date and they got many brags in the teacher comments. I'm a very proud of them.

And, not to leave Chloe out. She never ceases to amaze me either. We were walking through Kroger today and she said, "T, H, A, N, I don't know, Y O, I don't know". It sort of caught me off guard as I had my mind on what was on my list. I asked her where those letters were at and she pointed to the handle of the cart. It said, "Thank You" on it. She knew all, but 2 letters, and not only that, she was reading them upside down! We read a lot around here, but I think she is learning her letters from Abbi and Hannah playing teacher with her. She is even beginning to pick up on some letter sounds.

A Good Weekend

Abbi went to a birthday party on Saturday for a friend at school. It was a tea party and she was suppose to wear a Sunday dress. She was so excited last week waiting for the big party. I'm sure the school classroom was all the buzz among the little girls. She wore a new dress that had balloons on it, so was so cute for the occasion. They decorated hats and she got a tissue paper flower as she left. Here she is showing off her fun party attire:
When she got home that afternoon, we went biking. We decided to go on to the Dairy Queen on the trails, which was a lot of fun for everybody. I need to get an odometer for my bike. We are always "guessing" at how far things are. It was over 2 miles and maybe closer to 3 in one direction, but the kids kept up well. I guess it kind of defeats the purpose for exercise when you stop halfway through to eat the amount of calories that you just burned. I just hope that they don't think we need the DQ every time we go out on a biking adventure. Hannah liked it so much that she insists that we need to make frequent visits after her surgery.

This morning was kind of frantic, but the day ended up going well. Why are Sunday mornings so chaotic and frantic anyways? Seemed like everybody was having issues: with each other, with their shoes, with their clothes, with everything! But, they ended up cute as ever (as usual).
Abbi and Micah's choir performed with the adult choir with flags.

Then it was home for a quick lunch and a Hughes Family Egg Hunt (which we did twice) and some fun with the new sidewalk chalk and bubbles.





Jamie now thinks he is a chalk artist by the way. So, I capture him in deep concentration on his creation of an Easter Egg. Perhaps he'll be famous someday and I can sell this picture on Ebay.

For He is Risen...

Thank you Lord for your selfless sacrifice

Am I Allowed to Cry Now?

Hannah got up with a fever and sore throat. I'm at my complete wits end and feel so helpless for my little girl. This is number 5 with the last bout just being 8 days ago. 8 days! I'm going to be putting a call into the ENT as soon as they open. I'm not sure what the protocol is here. All I know is, if they don't keep this at bay until April 22nd, this surgery may never happen. I'm a very frustrated and worried mommy!

The Tonsils are Coming Out

Hannah's surgery is scheduled for the morning of April 22nd with an overnight stay in the hospital. Since that is still 2 weeks away, we still have to live in dread of her getting strep one more time before the surgery. If her pattern continues, she'll probably have strep in the middle of next week, but that still gives her a week to recover. Praying that we don't have to deal with any sickness beforehand at all though, of course.

The best part about that date is that she can enjoy Easter and her Birthday. It is 2 days before Chloe's birthday, but hopefully she'll be up for some ice cream or something to help us celebrate. I guess there is never a "perfect" time for surgery, huh? Always something to get in the way. The doctor even said that we could hold off until the summer, but at the rate we are going, she'll be living on an anti-biotic until then and I don't really like that either. So, the sooner we can get this done and get through it, the better for her and everybody.

I dread it like the plague like any mommy would. I even dread taking her for the preliminary bloodwork next week though. None of our kids have ever had a real surgery. We've had 2 kids that got stitches and they did put Chloe to sleep for that, but the kind of sleep you have when you get your teeth cut out. None of them have ever had to be in the hospital outside of Abbi not getting to come home after she was born.

So, for the next 2 weeks, I get to think about the dread of the 22nd. Her doctor seems really fantastic though, so I was happy about that. I know that this will be better for her in the long run even if I second guess myself and wonder the "what if's". It should be a no brainer and I know that. The kid can't live with strep throat and on anti-biotics forever. We've got to try something.

Spring Break is Winding to a Close

Spring Break 2009 is now almost officially over. We enjoyed our week even though the weather was kind of iffy about half the time. My nieces came up on Tuesday night and left today. Hopefully they didn't get too bored with the pretty non-eventful week. When I would ask them what they wanted to do, I would get the shrug and the "I don't know" answer, so we just carried on as usual with the exception of one shopping day. My sister and brother-in-law left Murray early this morning and came to our church service. I think that Davida was getting stir crazy with her house that was too quiet. We went out to eat and visited with them this afternoon and they are now on their way back home. It has been a very nice day!

It is so funny living with teenagers. I can get a small glimse into my future I suppose. It is fun for me to have a more "grown-up" conversation with people during the day. In some ways I dread the teenager years that lie ahead of me, but when I have my nieces around, it makes me realize that teenagers can be pretty cool and fun to be around too. If nothing else, they make me laugh a whole lot. They are both really good kids, and I hope that they realize that. So, the house will seem a bit quieter this week as my big kids go back to school and things go back to "normal".

Tomorrow is Hannah's ENT appointment. I'm very anxious.